The Four Parenting Styles Explained: Finding the Sweet Spot in Child Development
- Emma Christmas
- Oct 22
- 4 min read
Understanding Parenting Styles: What Research Says
When you become a parent, no one hands you a guidebook that says, “Here’s exactly how to raise your child.” Most of us end up doing a mix of what we experienced growing up - taking the bits we liked and trying to avoid the bits we didn’t. Some parents spend hours reading, researching and reflecting. Others go with their gut and parent instinctively. Either way is completely valid. As I often say, “You don’t know what you don’t know.”
But here’s what the research does tell us: the way we parent has a huge impact on our child’s behaviour, emotional wellbeing and long-term development. So, the way we parent is kinda a massive deal. Eek! No pressure!
Psychologist Diana Baumrind identified four key parenting styles that influence how children grow, behave and connect with others:
Understanding where you naturally sit on this spectrum can be the key to creating a calmer home, stronger relationship and more confident children - and, importantly, it gives you the insight to make small, intentional shifts that have a big impact over time.
Authoritarian Parenting: The “I’m the Boss” Mentality
Authoritarian parenting is more traditional and rule-driven - focused on obedience and control. Parents lead with a “because I said so” mindset, valuing punishment over discussion.
What It Looks Like
Parent-led, with strict rules and little flexibility
Punishment-based discipline (shame, ridicule or withdrawal of love) Think time outs, being shouted at, extreme punishments.
Demands respect due to adult authority, not mutual understanding
Rarely explains the ‘why’ behind expectations or expectations that are not age appropriate or realistic.
High demands, low emotional responsiveness
While this style can lead to short-term compliance, research shows it can cause rebellion, secrecy, low self-esteem and difficulty making decisions later in life.
Uninvolved Parenting: The “I Don’t Care” Approach
Also called neglectful parenting, this style is marked by a lack of involvement, guidance and emotional connection.
What It Looks Like
Absent or hands-off parenting
Low expectations and little supervision
Minimal emotional engagement
Competing priorities take precedence over the child’s needs
Children’s needs for attention, structure, and support often go unmet
Children raised with uninvolved parenting may experience behavioural problems, lower happiness levels, and difficulty regulating emotions. Their sense of security and belonging can be impacted long term.
Permissive Parenting: The “You’re the Boss” Mindset
Permissive parents lead with warmth but struggle with boundaries. They often overindulge children or avoid setting limits to maintain peace or friendship.
What It Looks Like
Few or inconsistent boundaries
Child-led decision-making
Avoids confrontation or discipline
Uses negotiation: “If you do this, then you can have…please, please, please”
Belief that “children will be children” and certain behaviours should just be expected and tolerate.
While permissive parenting may feel loving, it often leads to behavioural challenges and low self-discipline later in life. Children can develop low expectations of themselves and struggle with frustration tolerance or accountability.
Authoritative Parenting: The Sweet Spot for Behaviour and Connection
This is the approach I personally follow - and it’s also the foundation of what I unpick in The Parent Hub Membership.
Authoritative parenting is often described as the ideal in child development. It combines warmth and structure, high expectations and empathy, clear boundaries and flexibility.
What It Looks Like
You set clear rules, boundaries and expectations
You provide reasons behind rules, rather than “because I said so”
You encourage open, age-appropriate communication
You support your child to make choices within limits - ie you can have the biscuit OR the cake.
You maintain high expectations, but support your child to succeed
You solve problems together, modelling emotional regulation and respect
You practice “Let me see your point of view” parenting
This approach builds mutual respect, trust and long-term emotional intelligence.Over time, children raised in authoritative homes tend to develop strong self-esteem, better self-control and positive social relationships.
If you see yourself here, this is exactly what we dive into together inside The Parent Hub Membership - helping you fine-tune your approach, understand your child’s behaviour and build calmer, connected routines that work.
Why Authoritative Parenting Works Best for Long-Term Behaviour
Authoritative parenting strikes the balance between nurture and structure. It teaches children why behaviours matter, helping them internalise values rather than simply follow rules. It builds emotional literacy, confidence and problem-solving skills - key components of healthy child development and positive behaviour.
Over time, this approach fosters stronger parent-child relationships, better behavioural outcomes and happier families.
Want to Learn How to Apply Authoritative Parenting?
If you resonate with the authoritative style, but want support putting it into practice day-to-day, this is exactly what I help with inside The Parent Hub Membership.
You’ll learn how to:
Set boundaries without power struggles
Stay calm and confident in the face of big emotions
Build connection and cooperation
Use behaviour challenges as opportunities for growth
Because when we parent with warmth and boundaries - we raise children who are confident, kind and capable.
Understanding your parenting style isn’t about judgement or giving yourself a hard time - it’s about awareness. When you know what works best for long-term behaviour and emotional wellbeing, you can make small changes that have a big impact. Authoritative parenting is the balance point where structure meets empathy - and it’s the foundation for calmer homes, stronger relationships and thriving children.
Hi, I’m Emma, Early Childhood Expert and founder of Everyday. My goal is simple: help parents understand their children better so every stage feels a little brighter. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the extraordinary - it’s about the everyday.
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