How to Help Your Child With Big Feelings (Even When You Don’t Know What to Say)

If you’ve ever found yourself standing in the middle of a meltdown thinking,“I just want to help… but I don’t know how”, you are absolutely not alone.

So many parents are searching for answers about their child’s big feelings - the tears that come out of nowhere, the anger that explodes over small things, the worries that show up at bedtime or the overwhelm that turns into shouting, shutting down or silliness.

We’re told how to help children learn to read. We’re shown how to support maths. We get guidance on phonics, handwriting and homework. But when it comes to how to help a child with emotions, most of us are left to figure it out as we go.

And yet - in my experience - these emotional skills matter even more than academics.

Because a child who understands their feelings, can talk about them and knows how to cope with them… is a child who is better able to learn, build friendships and move through life with confidence.

Emotional intelligence is the building blocks for everything else. As adults, it's our job to teach our children these important life skills.

The three key building blocks that help children with Emotional Intelligence:

Emotional Awareness, Emotional Literacy and Emotional Regulation.

Let’s break them down.

Emotional Awareness: Helping Children Recognise Their Feelings

Emotional awareness is the foundation of everything.

It’s a child’s ability to:

• Notice they are having a feeling

• Name that feeling (sad, angry, worried, frustrated, excited)

• Recognise how that feeling shows up in their body

Many children experience emotions as physical sensations before they have the words to describe them.

You might hear:

• “My tummy feels funny”

• “My chest feels tight”

• “I feel all wiggly”

• “My face feels hot”

  
  

Without emotional awareness, those sensations can feel confusing or even scary. A child might act out, shut down or become overwhelmed simply because they don’t understand what’s happening inside them.

When we help children tune into their bodies and gently name their feelings, we give them an important message: “This feeling makes sense and you can learn to understand it.”

That’s the first step in supporting a child with big emotions.

Emotional Literacy: Helping Children Understand Why They Feel This Way

Once a child can recognise a feeling, the next step is emotional literacy - understanding where feelings come from.

This includes learning that:

• Feelings are messages from the brain and body

• Emotions happen for a reason

• Different people can feel different things about the same situation

• All feelings are okay, even if all behaviours aren’t

Emotional literacy builds empathy too. When children understand their own emotions, they begin to understand that other people have feelings just as real and important as theirs. This is the foundation of kindness, cooperation and healthy friendships.

Without this understanding, children often believe:

• “I’m bad for feeling this way”

• “They did that on purpose to upset me”

• “No one else feels like this”

  
  

When we explain emotions in simple, child-friendly ways, we replace shame and confusion with clarity and self-compassion.

Emotional Regulation: Teaching Children What To Do With Big Feelings

This is the part most of us wish we’d been taught as children.

Emotional regulation is a child’s ability to:

• Calm their body when emotions feel intense

• Soothe themselves when upset

• Refocus their mind after overwhelm

• Make safer, more helpful choices when feelings are big

And here’s the important thing:

Children are not born knowing how to do this. They learn through co-regulation first - with us (and I’ve written more about that here!) which might look like:

• Slowing down their breathing together

• Using movement to release big energy

• Naming the feeling while offering comfort

• Creating small calming routines they can return to

  
  

Over time, with practice and support, these tools become skills they can use independently.

This is how we move from:

meltdown → confusion → shame

to

feeling → support → life-skills

Why Emotional Skills Matter More Than We Realise

In many schools, academic learning is still prioritised far above emotional learning.

But think about this:

A child who is overwhelmed by anxiety struggles to concentrate.

A child who feels constant frustration finds it hard to cooperate.

A child who doesn’t understand anger may lash out and miss out on friendships.

Emotional wellbeing is not separate from learning - it’s the foundation of it.

When children feel safe in their bodies and understood in their emotions, their brains are more open to:

• Problem-solving

• Listening

• Memory

• Creativity

• Social connection

These are life skills, not just school skills.

And they begin with helping children understand their big feelings.

If You’ve Been Wondering How to Help Your Child With Emotions…

You don’t need perfect words. You don’t need to get it 'right' every single time. You just need gentle guidance and simple tools that make sense for both you and your child.

That’s exactly why I created The Children’s Hub - a child-friendly space where families learn side by side about:

✔️ Recognising feelings in the body

✔️ Understanding why emotions happen

✔️ Practical tools to calm, reset and feel more in control

Because when children learn these skills early, they carry them for life.

And when parents learn alongside them, something even more powerful happens - you build a shared language around emotions that supports your child at home, at school and beyond.

If you’re looking for real, doable ways to support your child’s big feelings, The Children’s Hub is here to help 💛