What to Do in the Moment When Your Child Won’t Listen (4 Behaviour Tips That Work)
- Emma Christmas
- May 5
- 3 min read
“Nothing works with my child.”
“Why is my child so difficult?”
“My child doesn’t listen to anything.”
“My child loses it over everything.”
If you’ve ever thought any of these things, you’re not alone.
There are so many child behaviour tips online, but when your child is shouting, refusing, hitting or melting down, it can be hard to remember what to actually do.
I’m asked questions like this all the time:
How do I stop my child’s bad attitude?
Why is my child so rude and disrespectful?
Why does my child not listen?
Why does my child run off?
How do you discipline a 5-year-old who won’t listen?
The truth is, while these behaviours often look very different on the outside, underneath they usually come back to the same thing…some form of need. It's like an iceberg...there's so much we cannot see.
Whether that’s overwhelm, unclear or inconsistent boundaries, difficulty with transitions, impulsivity, frustration…the list can be endless.
That’s why I use the NALA approach - a simple way to respond in the moment, regardless of the behaviour we are seeing.
What is NALA?
Or rather who is NALA?
NALA stands for: Notice, Acknowledge, Limit, Act. She's a four step approach that guides us through situations with our children.
N - Notice
Pause and notice what is actually happening.
Before reacting, ask yourself:
Where is this behaviour coming from?
What might my child need right now?
Are they tired, hungry, frustrated or overwhelmed?
A - Acknowledge
All feelings are okay, even if the behaviour isn’t.
This is where we connect with the feeling underneath so your child feels understood, not shamed.
Try saying:
“It looks like you’re feeling upset. Have I got that right?”
“I can see you don’t like it. I am here for you.”
“You’re allowed to feel angry.”
L - Limit
Now we have acknowledged and validated, we bring in the boundaries, expectations and choices.
Be calm, clear and brief.
Remind them of the rule/expectation
Say what they can do
Offer two simple choices
Examples:
“You can brush teeth first or put pyjamas on first - you choose.”
“If toys aren’t tidied away, we won’t have time for TV.”
“When the toys are tidied, then we can watch TV.”
A - Act
This is where you, as the adult, guide what happens next.
Follow through calmly with what you said. Help your child move forward.
That might mean:
helping them regulate with your support
carrying out a logical consequence
staying close while they calm down
helping them complete the task
How does NALA work in real life?
Example: Bedtime Battles
Your child refuses to get ready for bed and starts shouting.
Notice: They may be tired and struggling with transition. Perhaps they didn't realise it was bedtime already. Maybe they're sad to leave you.
Acknowledge: “I can see you don’t want bedtime right now, that makes sense.”
Limit: “It’s time for bed. You can walk upstairs or I can help you. You decide.”
Act: If they can't choose, calmly help them upstairs and continue the routine.
NALA can be applied to all different behaviour situations. You don’t need to be perfect in the moment. Just remember NALA: Notice, Acknowledge, Limit, Act.
If you'd like support with this, help with understanding what's causing the behaviour and guidance on how to set rules and expectations, you'd love Everyday Behaviour: The Listening and Behaviour eCourse.
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