What to Do If Your Child Is Hitting and Kicking

Is your child hitting and kicking? You’re not alone - and it’s not your fault. Many children go through phases of using their hands or feet when they don’t yet have the words or coping skills to express big feelings. The good news is there’s a lot you can do to guide them safely through it. We need our children to learn that their feelings are always okay, but certain behaviours are not.

Things To Avoid If Your Child is Hitting or Kicking

When your child lashes out, it’s easy to react in the moment. But certain responses can actually make things worse. Try not to:

• Take it personally.

• Tell them off in anger.

• Make threats (e.g. “no trip to the park now!”)

Before you respond, Pause and Breathe (PB). This can be the hardest part, as our natural instinct can be to control the situation and physically protect ourselves. But, when we respond from a calm place, we're showing our children how to regulate too. I've written more on that topic here.

Children kicking football

What to Say in the Moment

It can be helpful to have some pre-prepared scripts that we can use when we are in a situation. Here are some responses you can try when your child hits or kicks:

• “This tells me you have some big feelings. It’s okay to feel cross but I can’t let you hurt me. I'm going to move away to keep everyone safe.”

•  “It’s not okay to hit. You can do wall push ups or jumping jacks instead”

•  “I can see you’re feeling sad. Would you like a cuddle instead?”

• “I know you are angry but I can’t let you kick. Balls are for kicking. Shall we kick the ball outside?”

These phrases acknowledge the feeling while setting a clear boundary.

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What to Do Afterwards

Once things have calmed down, you can gently explore what happened:

• Look for the cause. What triggered the hitting or kicking incident? Was your child tired, hungry or overwhelmed?

• Teach coping skills. After the storm has passed, introduce calming alternative behaviours and strategies. This could be things like deep breathing, hugging a toy or using words - all things that need to be taught and practised whilst your child is calm. My blog on co-regulation can help you with this. These strategies do take time but they will become the blueprint for how your child copes with these feelings throughout life.

• Praise the positives. Notice and celebrate when your child manages frustration without hitting or kicking. Positive attention helps reinforce better choices.

Final Thought

When your child is hitting and kicking, remember it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign they’re struggling with big feelings and need your help to cope. By pausing, staying calm and teaching skills afterwards, you’ll not only reduce the behaviour -you’ll strengthen your connection.

Want More Support?

Inside The Parent Hub, I help parents with tips and strategies for the behaviour challenges they're facing in their individual homes. I'd love you to join us! Click here to sign up for The Parent Hub and get instant access to the replay and resources.

Hi, I’m Emma, Early Childhood Expert and founder of Everyday. My goal is simple: help parents understand their children better, so connection deepens, guidance becomes clearer and every stage feels a little brighter. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the extraordinary - it’s about the everyday.