What to Do if Your Child Is Telling Lies

Emma Christmas
Oct 2
2 min read

If your child has started telling lies, don’t panic. It can be worrying to hear them bend the truth, but lying is actually a very normal part of child development.

Children often lie for two main reasons:

To avoid getting into trouble.
To get out of doing something they don’t want to do.

And while it might feel frustrating, lying can also be a sign of growth. To tell a lie, a child needs to use problem-solving skills, imagine another person’s point of view and understand cause and effect. In other words - it’s pretty clever!

Why Children Lie

At the heart of it, children lie when they’re worried about what will happen if they tell the truth. They may fear punishment, shame or your disappointment. Our job as parents is not to 'force' honesty, but to create an environment where telling the truth feels safe.

Children need to know that while lying isn’t okay, they are always loved - mistakes and all.

What You Can Do

Next time your child tells a lie, try:

Not to shame them. Shame shuts down connection.
Not to punish without understanding why. Look for the reason behind the lie.
Not to show anger. Calm responses encourage honesty.

Instead, use the moment as an opportunity to connect and guide.

Helpful Things You Could Say

Here are some gentle, supportive responses you might try:

“I can see you really wanted/didn’t want… and that it was important to you.”
“Sometimes I want/don’t want to do… but we cannot lie.”
“Lying made you feel like you could…”
“We are all scared to make mistakes and get in trouble.”
“It’s good to share how we feel, even if that makes us feel uncomfortable at first.”
“It is always okay to tell the truth.”
“It’s okay to be learning and to make mistakes.”
“Perhaps you wish it hadn’t happened.”
“I saw you did that and that’s against our family rules.”
“What a great story- although I know that…”
“I saw you hit your brother, so this is something we can sort out together.”
“I will always love you. I will always help you.”

Final Thought

When children lie, it’s often less about deception and more about protection - their attempt to keep themselves safe. By staying calm, curious and compassionate, you’re teaching them that honesty is safe, mistakes are part of learning and your love doesn’t depend on perfection.

Hi, I’m Emma, Early Childhood Expert and founder of Everyday. My goal is simple: help parents understand their children better, so connection deepens, guidance becomes clearer and every stage feels a little brighter. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the extraordinary - it’s about the everyday.