Child Not Listening? Here’s How to Talk So Your Child Listens

"Help! My child doesn’t listen to a word I say."

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone - every parent knows the frustration of feeling unheard.

Before you say, “My child never listens to me” please read this.

How many times have you said the same thing over and over again, only for it to be ignored? You’re not imagining it - but there are real reasons your child might not be listening.

We have to make listening as easy as possible for children.

Why Your Child Might Not Be Listening

Sometimes, ‘not listening’ isn’t about misbehaving. It’s about what’s happening in that moment. Here are some common reasons:

👂🏼 They’re distracted, hungry, tired or not feeling well.

Sometimes the timing just isn’t right.

👂🏼 They genuinely didn’t hear you.

Children get completely absorbed in play and may not even register your voice.

👂🏼 They don’t want to hear what you’re saying.

If you’re asking them to stop something fun, expect some resistance!

👂🏼 You’re taking too long to explain.

Children switch off when there’s too much talking.

👂🏼 You’re yelling.

A raised voice can make them shut down rather than tune in.

👂🏼 You’re repeating yourself.

When they know you’ll say it again (and again), they stop listening the first time.

👂🏼 They didn’t understand.

What sounds clear to you might be confusing to them.

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How to Talk So Your Child Actually Listens

It’s often not what you say - it’s how you say it. We want to encourage cooperation and follow-through but we have to give our children the easiest route to do that. Here are simple, effective ways to help your child tune in and respond.

 1. Get Their Attention First

Instead of:

“Dinner’s ready, come eat before it gets cold.”

Try:

“Emma… (pause until she’s looking) it’s dinner time now.”

Get on their level, make eye contact and use their name before giving instructions. You’ll be surprised how much more they listen when they know you’re really talking to them.

 2. Be Calm, Clear and Consistent

(Think positive - not permissive or aggressive)

Children feel safer and listen better when you stay calm and keep instructions simple.

Instead of:

“You can watch TV but not for long, and first put your toys away.”

Try:

“When the toys are away, we can watch TV.”

Short, clear directions work far better than long explanations. If you make a rule or a promise, follow through - consistency builds trust. We don’t need to threaten but we need our children to know we mean what we say. It’s a fine balance.

3. Offer Choices and Show Empathy

Children love feeling in control. Give them small choices and try to see things from their point of view.

Instead of:

“I’ve told you four times to put your top on!”

Try:

“Would you like the red top or the yellow one?”

This shows respect for their independence and reduces power struggles. And remember - they spend most of their day being told what to do. A little empathy goes a long way.

4. Give Clear Directions and Check They’ve Understood

Instead of:

“Don’t forget your coat! Hurry up! We’re late!”

Try:

“First coat, then shoes. Thank you.”

Short, calm steps are easier to follow - and easier on you.

Before assuming your child’s ignoring you, check they’ve understood what you said.

Ask:

“Can you tell me what we’re doing next?” or “Can you show me what I asked you to do?”

You’ll quickly know whether it’s listening or comprehension that needs support.

5. Don’t Become an Echo - Repeat Once and Follow Through

If they’ve understood, avoid repeating yourself over and over - repeat it once, then follow through. Children learn that your words matter when your actions match them.

Want More Support? Join The Parent Hub

If this post resonated with you, and you’d love more practical tools and specific examples, you'll love The Parent Hub.

As a member, you’ll get:

💬 Real-life scripts for tricky moments

💬 Step-by-step guidance to help your child listen

💬 Tools to help you stay calm and confident (even on the hard days!)

👉 Learn more about The Parent Hub here.

Hi, I’m Emma, Early Childhood Expert and founder of Everyday. My goal is simple: help parents understand their children better so every stage feels a little brighter. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the extraordinary - it’s about the everyday.

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