How to Help Your Child with Their Emotions

Watching your child experience big emotions - whether it’s anger, sadness or excitement-can sometimes feel overwhelming, both for them and for you. As parents, we naturally want to help them navigate these feelings, but it’s not always easy to know how. The good news is that emotional skills can be taught, just like reading or riding a bike.

By helping your child develop emotional intelligence, learn how to regulate their reactions, and understand the feelings of others, you’re giving them tools that will last a lifetime. In this blog, we’ll walk through three simple, practical steps to support your child in managing their emotions, building empathy, and growing into a confident, emotionally aware individual.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is an essential skill for navigating the world around us and it begins to develop throughout our early childhood. However, this process is not as simple or as predictable as a child reaching a certain age and suddenly 'getting it'. Emotional development is a totally individual journey and children of all ages may experience moments of emotional outbursts that they can’t immediately control. This is a totally normal stage but something that often adults can sometimes be dismissive of, particularly if a child’s emotional reaction is challenging for them to handle.

How does emotional intelligence develop?

From birth to around the age of three, children really rely on us as parents to help them manage their feelings. Whether it’s through the comfort of a favourite toy, a cuddle or a soothing song, these early moments teach children that they can find calm in the presence of someone who loves them. While every child is unique, one thing is clear: consistent, loving care is key. If your child feels confident enough to express their emotions, even if those emotions are intense or difficult, it’s actually a positive sign that they feel safe and supported. So well done you if you’re having a wild old time with your child’s tantrums…you’ve successfully bonded with your child and now they want to share their biggest feelings with you, the person they trust most! Eek!

As children approach age three, and actually a little bit beyond that sometimes, they begin to develop the ability to name and recognise basic emotions - words like happy, sad and angry start to enter their vocabulary. At this stage, they may even show some awareness of how others might be feeling. However, emotional awareness doesn’t mean that children are suddenly able to consider someone else’s emotions over their own. A child might recognise that you're angry, but they won’t necessarily change their behaviour because of it.

As children grow, particularly once they reach school age, they become increasingly capable of expressing their feelings and considering the emotions of others. With time, they learn to regulate their behaviour in social situations - like refraining from screaming at their teacher, for instance. And while that restraint might be long forgotten when they get home, it’s a crucial step in their emotional development. Again, you’re not alone if your child shares their most dramatic emotional outbursts as soon as they get home with you. It’s super normal even if it is one of the hardest parts of being a parent. Children’s brains are still maturing so they cannot yet be consistently reasonable, logical or even concerned about how their behaviour impacts someone else. Due to the brain’s immaturity, this emotional regulation isn’t consistent when their brains are in a calm state, let alone when they are tired, worried or already experiencing an emotional outburst.

It’s said to take around 10-12 years to reach a BASIC stage of brain development so whilst we might see bursts in their development around the age of 5 or 6 we need to be aware that emotional outbursts will still happen. Fear not, in this post, we’ll explore three practical steps you can take to help guide your child toward developing strong emotional intelligence that will serve them throughout their lives. This isn’t an extensive list of every single thing you should or could be doing, but rather a few tips to get you started during those early childhood years.

Helping a Child Understand Their Emotions

Step 1: Name the Feelings

One of the first steps in helping your child develop emotional intelligence is teaching them to recognise and name their feelings. From an early age, children experience a wide range of emotions, and just like physical sensations, emotions are felt in the body. Helping children become aware of what is happening inside their bodies - whether it’s a tight chest, a stomach ache or a racing heart - can empower them to understand their feelings better. Often our children don’t know why they are stamping their feet or throwing toys across the room and actually, when this behaviour is happening, it’s not the right time for learning. Our children need to be calm and responsive in order to develop a new understanding. Out main job in those moments is to keep ourselves calm and then find another opportunity to introduce new strategies to our children.

Start by using words to describe emotions, not just the positive ones like happy or joyful but also the more challenging feelings like anger, sadness or worry. It's important for children to understand that emotions like sadness and anger are normal and are part of the human experience. These emotions aren’t ‘bad’; they’re simply signals from our body and mind that something is happening within us. By acknowledging these emotions, we show children that all feelings are valid and that it’s okay to experience them.

Another key part of this process - and as already mentioned, this comes later - is helping children recognise emotions not only in themselves but also in others. For example, you might comment on how someone else is feeling: “I can see your friend looks sad because their toy broke. How do you think they might feel?” This helps build empathy and awareness of other people's emotional experiences, which is an important part of emotional intelligence. It also opens up the lines of communication and a reference point for when your child feels sad or disappointed themselves.

You can also model how to name and manage emotions in everyday situations. For instance, if your child is frustrated about having to wait for a toy, you could say something like, “I know it’s hard to wait when you really want to play. When your friend has finished, then it will be your turn.” In time your child will learn the pattern of the language “when” and “then” which can be a huge aid to the behaviour too - although that’s a blog post for another time! We want to reinforce the idea that it’s normal to feel upset when you can’t have something right away, but it also forms the basis for patience and self-regulation.

By helping children identify and label their emotions, we’re laying the foundation for emotional intelligence - showing them that it’s not just okay to feel, but important to understand what those feelings are and how to express them.

Step 2: Teach Them Regulation Skills

The next step in nurturing emotional intelligence is helping children develop the skills to manage and regulate their emotions. Emotional regulation doesn’t mean suppressing feelings; it’s about teaching children how to express those feelings appropriately and manage them in a way that’s healthy for themselves and those around them. This step, unlike the first one, is one that will continue as your child grows. Teaching them these skills isn’t limited just to early childhood, however if we can get the foundations solid during those years, we stand a better chance of helping our older children to regulate their own emotional behaviour too.

Use everyday situations to point out how others might be feeling. For example, if you see a friend or a character in a book smiling, you can comment “Oscar is smiling - he really loves playing with the blocks!” This builds empathy by helping your child connect emotions with physical cues like facial expressions or body language. You might also ask them to consider how others are feeling in stories: “I wonder how the little girl is feeling now that she can’t see her mummy. What do you think she might be thinking?” I love using stories and conversation when beginning to teach children about this because it removes the blame or focus from the individual child in front of you. Many children’s books or even TV shows will have scenarios where children behave in a way that we wouldn’t typically encourage. Whenever we come across these situations we can using them as a talking point with our children. Questions like “how do you think that character is feeling?” or “why do you think they did…?” and “what could they have done when they were feeling…?” All of these questions give us opportunities to guide our children’s behaviour because whilst it’s important that children understand that all feelings are natural, it's equally crucial to help them know certain behaviours are not okay. For instance, it’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to kick when you’re angry. For step 2 to be most effective, children need to understand this. Although they may not always be able to regulate their behaviour, we can use the time once they have calmed, to reflect on this again. We can show children that their emotions don’t need to be suppressed, but their behaviour must still be respectful and safe. By setting clear boundaries around behaviour, you help children understand the difference between feeling something and acting on it in a way that could hurt others or themselves. We can teach our children alternatives such as kicking a ball, shredding paper or shouting into a pillow when they’re frustrated. Listening to music, having a warm drink, talking to a friend when they’re sad, for example. It’s important to reiterate here that these are just ideas and given that we are all individuals, you and your child will be able to find coping strategies that suit them best.

One of the best ways to support emotional regulation is by staying physically close to our children when they need us most. In truth, self regulation won't happen without co-regulation. For example, if they’re upset because they have to wait for a toy or a turn, you can support them by waiting together. Saying things like “shall we play with the puzzles while we wait for the digger to be free?” gives them a coping mechanism that they will then be able to use when you’re not around. We want to help them practice patience and give them tools to manage frustration for when they’re in a similar situation in the future.

Another important skill to practice is empathy - the ability to recognise and understand how others are feeling. As mentioned, this is something that often comes much later, and that’s okay. Again, we can role model this to them. For example, if a child is upset or crying, you might say, “It looks like your friend seems sad because they lost their toy. How do you think we could help them feel better?” This not only helps your child understand other people’s emotions but also empowers them to respond in a caring and thoughtful way. This skill will differ from child to child and it’s important not to force. Children who are forced into a certain behaviour or reaction usually won’t choose to do it when you’re not there.

Step 3: Be a Role Model for Self-Regulation

The most powerful way to teach emotional intelligence is by being a role model for the behaviour you want to see in your child. Children often learn through observation, so when you actively model healthy emotional expression and regulation, you’re giving them an example to follow.

Start by being supportive, not dismissive, when your child expresses their emotions. Avoid brushing off their feelings with phrases like “don’t be silly, it’s not a big deal!” Instead, acknowledge and validate what they’re feeling: “I understand that you’re feeling upset that we can’t go to the park right now. It’s hard when plans change." This shows your child that their feelings are important and worthy of attention.

It’s also helpful to talk openly about your own feelings. When you feel happy, share it, i.e: “I feel happy when we’re all together playing like this.” When you’re upset, talk about it in a constructive way: “I feel cross right now because I’m tired. When I feel this way it helps me to take a deep breath and calm down.” This teaches your child that it’s normal for adults to experience emotions too and that we all need strategies to handle those feelings. Just a note to mention here - if you do get cross and take it out on your child, know that you’re human, not perfect. Own up to it and apologise - chances are, even with all of your wonderful, positive input, your child will lose their temper at some point too and again, we don’t want them to feel bad about it. By apologising you role model a really important lesson - we all get it wrong and make mistakes sometimes. This can happen after the event too so please don’t be afraid to talk about it. You can say something like, “I made a mistake today when I was frustrated. I could have handled it better.” This normalises the process of self-reflection and improvement, teaching your child that everyone is constantly learning and growing, including you.

Talking to your child about why you’re doing certain things is another way to model emotional intelligence. For instance, when it’s time to take turns or wait patiently, explain why these behaviours are important: “It’s your turn now, and after you, we’ll let your sister have a turn. Taking turns helps everyone have fun.”

By consistently role modelling emotional awareness, empathy and healthy coping strategies, you give your child the blueprint and the tools to handle their emotions confidently and constructively as they grow.

In summary, to help our children develop emotional intelligence, they first need to recognise and understand what’s happening inside their body when they feel different emotions. By teaching them how to emotionally regulate, we give them the skills they need to navigate their emotions in healthy, socially acceptable ways. It’s important for children to understand that all emotions are valid, even when they may seem intense. By responding with support, rather than criticism, we help them feel safe in expressing their feelings and build the confidence needed to manage life's challenges.

For more support with building emotional intelligence and supporting your child's regulation skills, check out The Parent Hub.

Hi, I’m Emma, Early Childhood Expert and founder of Everyday. My goal is simple: help parents understand their children better, so connection deepens, guidance becomes clearer and every stage feels a little brighter. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the extraordinary - it’s about the everyday.