Why Is My Child Crying at Drop Off? Understanding Separation Struggles & What You Can Do

If your child is crying at drop off, you are not alone. Whether the tears have suddenly started after weeks of calm or your little one still hasn’t settled, this experience is incredibly common.

Even if it feels like your child is the only one upset every morning, another family - just down the road- is likely going through the same thing. So before anything else, take a breath. This doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong and it doesn’t mean your child won’t adjust.

In this blog, we’ll explore why children cry at drop-off, what’s normal and practical steps you can try - starting today.

Why Do Children Struggle at Drop-Off?

There are a few completely typical reasons your child may suddenly struggle:

It's the moment they have to say goodbye to you

This might sound obvious but lots of parents say "you were fine a minute ago" but that moment when they have to go in signals time away from you. Even if they LOVE their setting, many children find it hard to leave their loved ones.

They don’t realise school is every day

Young children often think school or nursery is a one-off event.Just like you might wake up convinced it’s Saturday - only to discover it’s Monday - children get that confusion too.

Visual supports can help:

• Days-of-the-week chart

• Pictures for school/home days

It’s a big emotional and sensory shift

School or nursery is busy. New routines, noise, expectations and unfamiliar faces can feel overwhelming. If you were upset about going into work every day, being told:

“You’ll be fine!” probably wouldn’t help. Children need empathy - not pressure.

Their behaviour isn’t misbehaviour

Saying: “You were fine yesterday!”doesn’t make the feelings disappear. If your child is crying at drop-off, their brain is signalling stress. Reassurance like: “I know this is hard for you,” is far more comforting.

They may be holding it together all day

Some children manage beautifully in the setting, but release their emotions at home.

If your child mentions worries - like not liking their carpet space or not wanting to eat the snack - speak to their teacher. The staff want to know and want to support you.

Even if it feels like your child is the only one upset every morning, another family - just down the road- is likely going through the same thing.

Before You Leave the House: Helpful Strategies

A calmer morning can make a huge difference. Try:

• Wake up 10 minutes earlier for extra cuddles or a story

• Leave a note in their lunchbox

• Draw a lipstick kiss or heart on their hand

• Send a photo from home if allowed

• Rule out basics - tired, hungry, feeling unwell

• Explain the plan clearly and truthfully:

  “You’ll have lunch at nursery and I will pick you up after.”

• Label their feelings:

  “Saying goodbye feels sad. I’ll be back.”

• Add light distractions - music in the car, counting games on the walk

Small moments of connection = big emotional safety.

At the School or Nursery Gate: Helpful Strategies

When your child is crying at drop-off, these steps can help:

✅ Arrive and drop off promptly (less waiting = less anxiety)

✅ Tell them what you’ll be doing while they’re there

✅ Direct them to an activity if possible

✅ Always say goodbye

And avoid:

❌ Telling them off for struggling

❌ Bribing them

❌ Sneaking away

❌ Long, drawn-out exits

A calm, confident, quick goodbye helps children feel secure.

Other Things That May Support Your Child

• Speak with staff

• Arrange playdates with familiar peers

• Talk positively about school at home

• Ask if they can bring a comfort toy or transitional object

• Remember - there is no quick fix for some children. Every child adjusts in their own time.

You’re Not Failing

Drop-off struggles can be emotional for you, too. But crying at drop-off is a normal stage of development and with consistency, connection and support, most children adapt beautifully.

Hi, I’m Emma, Early Childhood Expert and founder of Everyday. My goal is simple: help parents understand their children better so every stage feels a little brighter. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the extraordinary; it’s about the everyday.

If this post helped you out, I’d love to keep sharing more like it. Subscribe to stay in the loop!