Help! My child hates sharing!

Imagine you’re writing an important email and someone keeps grabbing your phone, demanding a turn. Frustrating, right? That’s exactly how children feel when they’re happily playing with something and someone else wants it.

If your child hates sharing, they’re not the only one! Many parents worry that refusing to share means their child is selfish - but in truth, not wanting to share is completely normal.

Children aren’t born with the ability to take turns or think from someone else’s point of view - it’s something they learn gradually with time and guidance.

Why Some Children Hate Sharing

From toddlerhood through the early school years, children are wired to focus on their own needs. Their brains are still developing the parts responsible for empathy and self-regulation. So when your child refuses to share, it isn’t about being unkind - it’s about feeling attached to what’s theirs and wanting control in that moment. Sharing takes emotional maturity, patience and trust - three things that come with age, not pressure.

How to Help a Child Who Doesn’t Like to Share

1. See It From Their Point of View

If someone took your phone mid-message or your book mid-chapter, would you hand it over? Probably not.That’s how your child feels when they’re told to “share nicely”. Recognising this perspective is key to staying calm and showing empathy - which helps them feel seen and understood.

2. Prepare Before Playdates or Group Play

Before friends come over, set your child up for success:

• Decide together which toys they’re happy to share.

• Put away special items they’re not ready to lend.

• Explain that their toys will still be there after the playdate.

This helps your child feel safe and in control - two big ingredients for being able to share.

💡 Tip: Keep a few ‘neutral’ toys that don’t belong to anyone specifically. They’re perfect for playdates and make sharing feel less personal.

3. Stay Close to Guide and Support

Sharing is a learned behaviour and they’ll need lots of help with how to navigate it at first. Children who hate sharing often need coaching in the moment. Be nearby so you can help them use words instead of grabbing or shouting. Say things like:

“It looks like you’re still using that. Can you tell your friend when you’re finished?”

“You really want a turn. Let’s see what we can do while we wait.”

Staying calm helps them regulate their own emotions and learn what respectful sharing looks like.

4. Teach Waiting and Turn-Taking Skills

Waiting is one of the hardest parts of sharing. Children’s sense of time is different from ours, so make waiting more manageable with short distractions:

“Let’s build a tower while we wait.”

“When he’s finished, then it’s your turn.”

Turn-taking games like rolling a ball, playing board games or passing a toy back and forth help children practise patience in a fun way. Right from babyhood, use language like “your turn, my turn” when passing an object. 

5. Don’t Force Sharing

It’s tempting to insist they hand over the toy “to be fair” but forcing it can make things worse.When children feel pressured, sharing becomes something negative or scary - not something they choose to do.

Instead, let them finish their turn, then guide them to offer the toy themselves. When sharing is their decision, it builds genuine kindness, not compliance.

6. Use the Right Language Around Sharing

The words you use matter. Here are some phrases that teach both empathy and boundaries:

When they want something:

• “When she’s finished, then you can have a turn.”

• “You can feel angry, but I can’t let you snatch.”

While they’re waiting:

• “It’s really hard to wait. I'm here for you.”

• “Let’s do ... while we wait.”

When they’re being asked to share:

• “You can have it when I’ve finished.”

• “I’d like to share this with you.”

This approach teaches that it’s okay to say “not yet” - and also okay to wait your turn.

7. Celebrate Genuine Sharing

When your child chooses to share, help them notice how it feels:

“You shared your blocks and your friend smiled - that made them happy!”

Positive reinforcement helps your child link sharing with good feelings, not just approval.

 Around the age of 3, many children start to understand the concept of sharing, but that doesn’t mean they like it.

Helping a Child Learn to Share Without Stress

If your child hates sharing, remember this: they’re not being difficult - they’re being developmentally appropriate. Praise and understanding go a long way so acknowledge their feelings and know that at 36 they’re unlikely to still be snatching toys from their friends. With empathy, patience and a bit of planning, you can help them build the emotional skills they need to share willingly and kindly. Sharing isn’t just about toys - it’s about learning a whole host of skills, and that takes time. 

Hi, I’m Emma, Early Childhood Expert and founder of Everyday. My goal is simple: help parents understand their children better so every stage feels a little brighter. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the extraordinary - it’s about the everyday.

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