Why Is My Child Behaving So Badly? Understanding 'Bad Behaviour' in Children

If you’ve found yourself googling: 

“Why is my 5-year-old behaving so badly?”

“Why is my child so naughty?” 

“Why is my child so strong-willed?” - you’re not alone.

Every parent reaches a point where their child’s behaviour feels overwhelming, confusing or downright challenging. But here’s the most important thing to remember:

There is always a reason why children behave the way they do.

Children need to feel safe, secure, supported and held within clear boundaries…but they’re not trying to make your life harder.

We don’t want children growing up thinking they are 'naughty' and we also don’t want to raise children who become sneaky just to avoid getting into trouble. So let’s break this down.

The way we talk to our children when they're not behaving is how they will one day talk to themselves when they make a mistake.

Understanding Your Child’s Behaviour

1. You Can’t Control Them - You Can Only Control You

Yes, we can give boundaries. Yes, we can support them. Yes, we can anticipate triggering situations. But ultimately:

The only person you can control is yourself and how you react.

Children - even tiny ones - are their own people.

So the next time you feel someone’s eyes burning into your back while your child ignores every word you say… breathe. It’s not your fault.

And honestly, sometimes our expectations are unrealistic:

• Asking a toddler not to touch anything in a shop? Unrealistic.

• Expecting an older child to 'know better' simply because they’re older? Also unrealistic.

Behaviour is communication - not defiance.

2. Give Them the Benefit of the Doubt

Before assuming your child set out to misbehave, pause and ask:

• Is there a misunderstanding?

• Is there a compromise available?

• What exactly am I telling them off for?

• Is this something I could say “yes” to instead?

Most children aren’t waking up thinking,“How can I push my parent’s buttons today?”

They’re usually:

• tired

• hungry

• overstimulated

• overwhelmed

• excited

• dis-regulated

…and actually have very little control over their behaviour.

Try to see the world from their point of view.

3. Listen to Them

Ask questions. Check they’ve understood.

Sometimes children think they’re doing the right thing. Maybe they’re following an earlier instruction. Maybe they’re deep in their own ideas. Maybe they genuinely thought they were helping.

Communication is everything.

4. You Don’t Have to Be Mean

Discipline isn’t about punishment. Respect isn’t created through fear.

Your child does not need to cry in order to understand they made the wrong choice.

Most children know immediately from your tone, your expression, or your reaction.

You don't need to pile on more consequences just to 'make it sink in'.

5. When It Comes to Behaviour… Less Is More

A 2 year old doesn’t need a lecture.

A 3 year old won’t retain a 5-minute explanation.

A 4 year old will switch off after 10 seconds.

Keep it clear, simple and kind.

See It From Their Perspective

Sometimes the quickest way to understand behaviour is to imagine how you would feel.

Picture this…

You’re 2, busy building something amazing. You pop away for a moment, leaving everything out.

⚡️ Your grown-up says: “Tidying time! Put everything away before you get something else out.” And then gets cross when you’re upset.

Picture this…

You’re 3, out for the day. You’re tired, hungry and not really feeling it.

⚡️ Your grown-up says: “I brought you here to have fun and you’re spoiling it. Play or we won’t do fun things anymore.”

Picture this…

You’re 4, meeting family you haven’t seen in ages. You feel shy and nervous.

⚡️ Your grown-up says: “Say hi! Don’t be rude. Give Great Granny a cuddle.”

Picture this… (for adults)

You’re working on an important email. You just need a minute to finish and proof-read it.

⚡️ Your loved one says: “Time to share your phone. You’ve had a long turn. You can have it back later.”

When we flip the script, the emotions make much more sense, don’t they?

A little empathy goes a long way in helping behaviour feel manageable rather than personal.

When Your Child’s Behaviour Triggers You

You are not alone. Every parent feels triggered sometimes.

Children learn to get their needs met through us - which means we’re wired to respond quickly. That’s biology. But it can feel exhausting.

Sometimes shifting your perspective helps:

📍 Instead of: My child is so naughty.

✨ Try: Maybe they’re tired, hungry or overstimulated.

📍 Instead of: He’s so bossy.

✨ Try: He’s showing great leadership skills.

📍 Instead of: She’s so clingy.

✨ Try: She’s incredibly affectionate.

📍 Instead of: He’s so stubborn.

✨ Try: He’s wonderfully persistent.

📍 Instead of: She never listens.

✨ Try: She’s going to be a very strong adult.

📍 Instead of: They’re so demanding.

✨ Try: Their assertiveness will serve them later in life.

📍 Instead of: Their behaviour is always the worst for me.

✨ Try: I’m their safe place - that’s why they can unravel with me.

Reframing doesn’t excuse behaviour - but it helps you respond with connection rather than frustration.

Children aren’t 'naughty' or 'bad'...they’re learning, communicating, developing. And yes - sometimes completely overwhelmed.

If we can pause, connect and see the world from their perspective, everything becomes easier:

✔ their behaviour

✔ our reactions

✔ our relationship

✔ and their sense of self-worth

Hi, I’m Emma, Early Childhood Expert and founder of Everyday. My goal is simple: help parents understand their children better so every stage feels a little brighter. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the extraordinary - it’s about the everyday.

If this post helped you out, I’d love to keep sharing more like it. Subscribe to stay in the loop!